Men's Fashion at the Oscars 2013: An Assessment

You're a woman at the Academy Awards. Congratulations! Either you're nominated (the nerves!) or you're there to enjoy the show (the glam!). But this isn't just any other night in the spotlight. This isn't the ****ing Blockbuster Entertainment Awards, ladies.

This is the big leagues. This is the Oscars. You have to wear a dress that stuns. And you have to know who made it, and when, and why, and how, and if the dress's designer had any underlying motivations of resentment or jealousy towards his or her extended family that went into the creation of the dress, and how that made him or her feel about living a life in the 21st century. Because Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest want to know, dammit, and so does everyone watching at home.

O you're a guy at the Academy Awards. Congratulations! Either you're nominated (the nerves!) or you're there to enjoy the show (the glam!). It's pretty much just any other fancy night - just rock a nice, dry-cleaned tux and remember to brush your teeth. In fact: Have one of those t-shirt tuxes lying around? Those are fine, too. Just enjoy yourself. Maybe buy a hotel room in advance and ask Jennifer Aniston if she's down for anything later.

It's an unfortunate double standard, and it ends today, folks. This morning at NextMovie, we're evening the playing field. It's time for an honest fashion critique of the gentlemen.

Black Tuxedo with Black Bowtie

Because Ang Lee's speech for his surprise "Best Director" win was kind and gracious, so his black tuxedo with black bowtie attire all of a sudden became better-looking than everyone else's. And because there is no rhyme or reason for any of this, and it's rare otherwise, it's frankly just a lot of fun to make Clooney come in last in a "Who looked the best?" contest. I can picture him, after being informed of his "worst" ranking, smirking, hands in pockets, starting off each sentence charmingly looking at the ground, and casually saying, "You...you didn't really think I looked bad tonight, right?" To which I'd look him in the eye, put my hand on his shoulder, and reply, "George, Ang Lee made you look like you had leprosy." And we'd both laugh and laugh and laugh, and then after we calmed down a bit, I'd add, "I'm totally serious."

Black Tuxedo with Black Tie

I know it's part of the man's style, but Tarantino always rocks a tux like exactly six minutes ago he was fornicating with a married woman and her husband came home from work early and he had to hastily throw on his clothes and jump out of the second floor window. Christensen's suit, meanwhile, seemed like it fit him well. So hooray, Shawn, you just beat Quentin Tarantino at something, hopefully making up for the fact that none of us will probably ever see you again. (Just kidding, Shawn!) (Not at all kidding, Shawn, just the sad truth, but please enjoy your completely meaningless, thoroughly tongue-in-cheek victory in this category.

Navy Blue Suit with Navy Blue Tie

I don't know. The insignificance of Daniel Day-Lewis as "worst-dressed" makes me laugh. But I do know this: If you went out to dinner with Waltz and Day-Lewis, the two would end up charmingly jousting back and forth for 45 minutes over who'd get the check, each never losing their just-happy-to-be-there smile, neither becoming angry with the other in the slightest. One of them would probably end up "going to the wash room" only to secretly approach the waitress with their credit card. The only thing they'd both agree on is that you're not paying. My point is this: I'd really like to go to dinner with Christoph Waltz and Daniel Day-Lewis.

Black Jacket, Black Shirt, Black Bowtie (and Regular Pants)

Their suits are a wash, but Foxx gets extra credit for bringing along his absolutely out-of-nowhere stunning 19-year-old daughter. Where is your stunning 19-year-old daughter, John? Jamie clearly wanted the win in this category more, and he's rewarded for his efforts.

Oscars 2013 fashion featured neutrals, H&M and wizard hair

The red carpets have been rolled up but the fashion of the night is just starting its stride. The Sunday night trifecta of the Oscars, Vanity Fair party and Governors Ball brought notice-me neutrals, volume and lots of sparkle to those outside of Hollywood.

How did Jessica Chastain choose her look? “...It’s very ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President,’” said the star on the red carpet. Robin Givhan, agreed that Chastain managed to channel a bit of Marilyn glamour:

When Jessica Chastain walked down the red carpet just before the 85th annual Academy Awards wearing a pale copper strapless gown with a mesh overlay by Giorgio Armani, her promenade was a two-part statement about the complexity of branding and the perilousness of glamour....On the most photographed red carpet of them all, she steered clear of flashy designers, gossiped-about designers and controversial ones, too. Instead, she chose a classically glamorous gown by the godfather of red carpet style whose philosophy of celebrity dressing is: First do no harm.

However, it was the ladies in Dior who stole the show. Jennifer Lawrence took home the Oscar for Lead Actress for her role in “Silver Linings Playbook.” Her voluminousness Dior ball gown caused her to stumble on her way to accept the award, which she acknowledged on stage:

“You guys are just standing up because I fell and that’s really embarrassing, but thank you,” she joked while accepting the Oscar for best actress.

But the pale pink color, mermaid silhouette, and back-grazing necklace was not a misstep.

Charlize Theron looked statuesque in her white Dior gown paired with her pixie haircut that has everyone talking.

Anne Hathaway also rocked the short hair, neutral gown combo (not well-loved by the people of the internet, but she took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, so we think she’ll recover.) Her Prada gown reminded Cara Kelly of Gwenyth Paltrow’s famous 1999 Oscar gown: The neckline differs from the spaghetti strap of the RL piece, but the square shape is reminiscent of popular silhouettes from the 90s.

The biggest fashion question mark of the night? Helen Hunt in H&M? Yes. Givhan explains:

The rote question called out from the media gauntlet on Oscar night remains “Who are you wearing?” But the more salient one is really, “What does the clothing say about your personal brand?” Is there any doubt that what Helen Hunt — best supporting actress nominee for “The Sessions” — was saying with her simple navy strapless gown, which she volunteered was made by H&M even before E! Entertainment host Ryan Seacrest thought to ask? She is serious. She stands apart from this out-of-touch Hollywood glitz. She is as willing to take a fashion risk and be judged brutally for it as she was willing to get stark naked on film without benefit of candlelight and traditional romance.

What about the men? Hair seemed to be the fashion trend of choice. Facial hair for Ben Affleck and George Clooney. Flowing locks for “Life of Pi”’s Claudio Mirando, Paul N.K. Ottosson of “Zero Dark Thirty,” and Per Hallberg of “Skyfall.” Caitlin Dewey explains what Twitter dubbed the “wizard hair tend”:

Is this the year metal hair makes a comeback? Maybe not. But it seems like a pretty good year for wizard jokes. Among the people Miranda, Ottosson and Hallberg were compared to on Twitter last night: Dumbledore, Gandalf, Meat Loaf (or another aging rock musician of your choice), Karl from Die Hard and the killer in The Da Vinci Code.

Armani & Dior rack up fashion wins at Oscars

Forget glamour girls Jessica Chastain versus Jennifer Lawrence. By the end of a long Oscars telecast, the only person who could have stolen the fashion conversation was first lady Michelle Obama — and she did.

She presented the best picture award almost at the stroke of midnight Sunday via video stream in a silver Naeem Khan gown. It was the sort of Cinderella style moment that red-carpet watchers hunger for.

Until then, the most heated chatter about the Academy Awards likely was the boldface battle between Giorgio Armani and Dior Haute Couture.

Armani could claim some big wins: the designer dressed Chastain, Naomi Watts and Quvenzhane Wallis. Dior dressed Lawrence and Charlize Theron — both are spokesmodels — who hit it right in white.

Chastain, in a glistening copper-tone strapless gown with mermaid hem, looked like an old-world glamorous movie star, especially with her oversized vintage Harry Winston diamond earrings and bright red lipstick.

"I chose it because to me it was a throwback to old Hollywood," she said. "It's a very 'Happy birthday, Mr. President' dress."

Watts wore a gunmetal beaded gown with a geometric cutout on the bodice, also by Armani.

Quvenzhane (kwuh-VEHN'-juh-nay), with a silver headband in her hair and carrying a bedazzled puppy purse, wore an Armani Junior navy-blue dress with black, navy and silver jewels scattered on the skirt and a big bow on the back. She had another Armani dress, a pink one, ready for the afterparty. "I liked it because it was sparkly and puffy."

Lawrence was the belle of the ball in a white-and-pale pink strapless gown with fitted bustier and poufy hemline, sophisticated pulled-back hair, diamond-ball earrings and a delicate long necklace that hung down in back. The long train gave her trouble as she went to accept her award for best actress. She stumbled as she approached the stage to accept her Oscar.

Theron was sleek in an angular strapless dress with a fashion-right peplum and a buzz-cut hairdo.

Christos Garkinos, longtime red-carpet watcher and owner of Decades vintage store in Los Angeles, said, "You could have turned the TV off right when Charlize Theron came on. She was perfect."

The more interesting chatter, however, could be about the Jane Fondas and Sally Fields of the world. Fonda wore bright taxicab yellow Versace and Sally Field was in bright red.

"Women of a certain age almost gave the feeling that the older you get, the bolder you get," Garkinos said.

Hal Rubenstein, editor at large of InStyle magazine, was pretty impressed by 86-year-old Emmanuelle Riva in Lanvin. "Jane Fonda looks amazing because she's Jane Fonda, but Emmanuelle Riva was so elegant."

Another look that had people talking was Anne Hathaway's pale pink Prada dress. Rubenstein called the dress and Tiffany & Co. necklace "an Audrey Hepburn moment."

Garkinos wasn't as kind. Thanks to some awkwardly placed darts in the bust, he said it was more like Gwyneth Paltrow's big Academy Awards moment, when she wore a lovely Ralph Lauren pink dress but the fit wasn't quite right.

Hathaway, before the show, said her dress with a seemingly sweet vibe but with a strategically open back and sexy sides, was a last-minute choice. "It fit my mood and place where I'm at right now."

It almost seemed there were two routes to the red carpet, said Rubenstein: incredibly beaded and eye-catching, worn by Nicole Kidman in L'Wren Scott, Halle Berry in Versace, and Stacy Keibler in Naeem Khan; or a simple color with a great silhouette. He puts Lawrence, Reese Witherspoon in a strapless royal-blue Louis Vuitton gown with a black strip at the bustline and Jennifer Aniston in a Valentino red strapless gown in that camp.

"For some, there was a pull back to not do a lot, and that's where fashion is as well," Rubenstein said.

Amanda Seyfried's metallic halter dress by Alexander McQueen with a keyhole opening was three months in the making, and Berry said she trusted Donatella Versace to dress her like the Bond girl that she has been on the big screen. She ended up in a silver beaded-and-black gown with long sleeves and V-neck.

Jennifer Hudson's shiny, second-skin blue Roberto Cavalli almost looked like an animal print.

Kristen Stewart had an even paler blush gown; hers a hand-beaded strapless with tulle inserts by Reem Acra. She accentuated her gown with a 19th-century Fred Leighton necklace with 91 graduated diamonds.

Jennifer Garner chose a violet-colored Gucci with cascading ruffles in the back. Her 200-carat diamond-and-dark platinum necklace from the Neil Lane archives was a big statement.

Beaded gowns had a strong presence, worn by Sandra Bullock, in a fully embroidered Elie Saab; Renee Zellweger, in a sleek Carolina Herrera; and Adele in Jenny Packham. Catherine Zeta-Jones was statuesque in an all-gold Zuhair Muhad. Queen Latifah's white V-neck tank dress by Badgley Mischka had a lot of sparkle on the straps.

Salma Hayek's midnight-blue velvet Alexander McQueen gown had a gold embellished collar, and she carried a gold skull box clutch.

Helen Hunt wore a little bit of her conscience along with her blue column gown. It was from fast-fashion retailer H&M. She chose it because it was both accessible and because the company has launched a substantial green initiative. She did wear it, however, with hundreds of thousands of dollars of borrowed jewels.

For the men, the trend was beards, with George Clooney, Bradley Cooper, Ben Affleck and Tommy Lee Jones, among them.